Clay and Ashes

Yet you, LORD, are our Father.
   We are the clay, you are the potter;
   we are all the work of your hand.
Do not be angry beyond measure, LORD;
   do not remember our sins forever.  Isaiah 64:8-9

Ash Wednesday - it is a time to think and ponder. It is a time to stop and reflect, to ask for forgiveness.  Somehow it was all too appropriate that I lost my cool today.  I yelled at my child who was already frustrated himself.  I spewed out anger and frustration.  We both cried and I explained my heart.  We hugged and forgave, but I kept feeling bad about it the rest of the day.  Why did I do that?  What was my trigger?  How have I come so far and yet I can slide down that slippery slope so quickly again?

Well, I am only clay in the Potter's hands.  I am only ashes from Him.  I really can't do this on my own!  I talked to Him this morning and asked Him to be with us. Yet, somehow, in that moment I made the choice for me. I made the choice to let out my own anger and frustration out and it hurt someone else, someone whom I love dearly. 

It is hard to work on character with the children all day and then have them tell you that you might need your own character chart!  I know that I need to be patient next time, but how can I be patient all the time?  When he would not do what I wanted him to do anymore, I lost it.  Next time, I need to remember that this work is hard for him and remind him - in a calm way - that this is obedience.

I also think I was frustrated because I need help!  It is hard to work on cursive handwriting skills for a year and then to give the assessment this week and to see that most of it still isn't being retained.  Dysgraphia makes things hard!  I need to continue to find strategies for helping him become successful at communication with writing, even in cursive.  I am thankful that he has learned to type so well and that we have that technology, but I do want him to be able to write his name!  I will pray about it and I think that after we talked, he understood that he has to follow instructions on this, even if he doesn't want to, so that he can learn.

 This is the word that came to Jeremiah from the LORD:  “Go down to the potter’s house, and there I will give you my message.” So I went down to the potter’s house, and I saw him working at the wheel. But the pot he was shaping from the clay was marred in his hands; so the potter formed it into another pot, shaping it as seemed best to him.  Then the word of the LORD came to me. He said, “Can I not do with you, Israel, as this potter does?” declares the LORD. “Like clay in the hand of the potter, so are you in my hand, Israel.  Jeremiah 18:1-6

I am thankful for the reminder on Ash Wednesday that although I am "marred clay", my Potter can re-shape me into something even better than I was before!

Today I am linking up with Rebecca at Mom's Mustard Seeds!  Feel free to hop over to her blog and check out other posts.